Good videos of Toddles are hard to find, but we thought we’d put this one up, despite the average sound quality, because his outfit is so similar to what Jake wore last weekend to Mrs Wintours’s little get together. She’s a style leader, Mrs Wintour, the neighbours say, but eyebrows were raised, and Jake lacks a… shall we say, ‘lightness of touch’? when it comes to wearing these things.
But you need only look at the video of handsome Mr Rundgren and not concern your pretty little heads with trying to imagine the terribly gauche efforts of our own lumpen Mr Simmons, with his amusing ‘small talk’ of the latest biochemistry laboratory advances and South American bank fraud strategies. Suffice it to say, at the next Coralspin New York Christmas party Jake will be confined to the back room.
(As will a certain Mr. Mick Wilson, who can’t be trusted around expensive liquor. And God forbid those barbarians from Red Bazar should turn up. One moment you’re trying to talk to Dave Eggers, the next moment that drummer is drinking from three Remy bottles at once like it’s some supreme TV talent show skill. “100 paradiddles don’t buy you class”, as William Bruford liked to say).
So what are you going to do about it? You’re going to buy me the System 55, that’s what. It’s only $35 000, so don’t be stingy, have a whip-around and get me one before some one-fingered investment banker who thinks he’s God’s gift to electronic music blows his bonus on it, before losing interest three days later.
In return I promise to take it on stage, play some amazing solos, and then stick knives in it so it makes funny noises and then blows up. Not even Keith Emerson stuck knives into his Moog modular (I think — or did he?)
If you can’t stretch to the System 55 then at least get me the Model 15 (a snip at at $10k), so as not to embarrass yourself and to prevent any funny looks at the club. Come on, 10k is just pocket money, so stop pulling that face.
If you really insist on spinning me some sob story about how money is tight and you’ve had to sell off another yacht then I’ll also settle for you just buying a CD, okay, spare me the details, just buy the CD, but bear in mind that Jake’s vintage guitar collection doesn’t grow on trees. (Made out of trees, sure, quite a lot of them in fact, but someone has to make them, preferably 50 years ago.)